Eat it, Twilight!
by Upstairs.Brain
Summary: Supernatural/Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Twilight x-over. Basically, Sam and Dean head to Forks, and in order to escape them, the Cullens move to Sunnydale. Not for if you're a Twilight fans.
1. In the Beginning

**Alright. This….is…the…ULTIMATE Twilight fanfic ever. Why, you ask? Because it's a Twilight/Supernatural/Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And I've had this idea in my head for a while. And I love it already. (that would be the time it takes to walk from math class to info processing)**

**Thanks to Joss and Kripke, for creating Buffy, Sam, and Dean. SMILES! (Now, Kripke, if you're ready this, I would much appreciate it if you played **_**Sam, Interrupted**_** on Thursday. January 24 is too far away.)**

'_**Ello chap…. Mighty fine day this is… Actually u.b. is in a skirt and its snowing in New York… that wuld be here….Psttt…… we're not really in New York….. we is hiding in pennselvania…. Just kidding… I f I dotld you where we are I'd have to come to your house and get the nives and chopp of your ankles…….twice…. yeah….. and then your fingers and your nose and ears and writsts.—lets just say it'd be painful.... and beautiful…… Yeah… Enjoy the fic… pst pst EDWARD DIES! – I.T.C**_

**Sorry for the spoilers….or maybe….they're foilers….-waggles eyebrows suspensefully)**

**I don't own Twilight. (If I did, they would all be dead). I don't own Buffy (Joss does). I don't own Supernatural (Kripke does, as well as my soul).**

**00000000000000000**

Dean rolled over and slapped the bedside table next to his bed, trying to find his damn phone. His fingers found the desired phone, and he flipped it open. He squinted in the harsh light, reading the text on the screen.

_ There are Vampires in Forks. Please come._

Dean's face scrunched up, and he shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He glanced over at Sam, snoring slightly in the other bed. "Sammy….hey, Sam! Wake up!" he called gruffly.

Sam snorted awake. "Huh…wha??" He asked, his voice thick with sleep. "Whaddya want, Dean?"

"Got a job. Get up, we're leaving." Dean swung his legs off the bed and headed for the shower.

---

Jacob Black shut the phone, hoping that the number that Pamela, the psychic he met, was real. He was just sick of the stupid Cullens, and so he was taking drastic measures. Pamela said that this number was a vampire hunter's number, and to call or text it to get rid of the Cullens.

* * *

**Alright. So basically, I'm stealing chapter titles from Supernatural episodes. And Buffy will pop up pretty soon.**

**Until then, TTFN! Ta ta for now!**


	2. Fresh Blood

**I just wanted to throw out there that this fic probably has required the most research out of any fic I've ever written or started to write. Because you know what? Vampire lore is just like zombie lore. There's just too much! Joss, Kripke, and Stephanie Meyer all have different versions of what the vampires look like, what they're vulnerable to, and what kills them. So I've just spent three hours digging up everything I can between the three fandoms, and then another hours cross-referencing it to the lore I could find. Whew.**

**Anything to say today, ily-rocks?**

_**Are there any Bahrainians out there? I really want to know… Who else is out there? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME NOW please! U.B. is really tired and bitchy today… just saying…there's no need to hit me! UMMM!! HEY ! OKAY! Bye!**_

**Umm…got nothing else to say other than SHUT THE F DASH UP! Sorry, I am tired, and she is pissing me off greatly.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, Buffy, or Supernatural. I'm too tired to write something snappy.**

* * *

_See my baby, tell her, Tell her hurry home  
Had no lovin', since my baby been gone  
See my baby, Tell hurry on home  
I ain't had, Lord, my right mind, Since my rider's been gone ___

Zeppelin drifted through the Impala's speakers, Dean sang along softly. Sam shifted again uncomfortably in the seat next to him. Sam glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye. Dean sighed.

"Jesus, Sammy! What? What the hell do you want?" He said agitatedly.

"I want to know why we had to leave and dark thirty in the morning. I want to know where we're going, what the hell we're hunting, and how you found this job. You won't tell me anything!" Sam huffed, exasperated.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Can't you just trust me on this, Sam? Don't answer that." Sam just glared at him. "Alright, you want to know what's going on? Someone text me this morning and told me that there are vampires in Forks. So that's where we're heading."

"Forks? As in Forks, _Washington_?" Dean nodded. "And we're going off a text? How the hell did they get your number? And we've got more important things to deal with!"

"Sammy, I'm pretty sure that the apocalypse will still be there when we get back."

Sam sighed, rolling his eyes and sinking back down into the passenger seat.

---

The Impala pulled past the welcome sign for Forks, Washington. Dean rubbed his face, willing himself to stay awake for the next couple of minutes. Just until he finds a motel and checks them in. Then he can sleep.

He searched around him for some sort of lighted sign, alerting him of a hotel. A sign that read 'Miller Tree Inn' caught his eye, and he pulled up the drive and parked. He slapped Sam's arm, waking him up. Dean got out of the car and headed to the hotel lobby.

---

Dean slapped the hood of the Impala, and Sam jostled awake. Wordlessly, Dean opened the trunk and pulled out he and Sam's duffels, throwing Sam's to him as Sam got out of the car. Dean walked to their room and opened the door, throwing his duffel on the nearest bed and following it down, falling into a dreamless sleep the second his head his the mattress.

---

"Agents McCartney and Lennon." Dean and Sam flashed their "badges".

"Can I help you two?" the police chief, Charlie Swan, asked.

Dean shifted his weight to his other foot, his eyes flickering to Sam for a second before speaking. "we were looking into some of our old cases, and we noticed a couple of unsolved murders up here." chief Swan blinked, confused. "Can we see the Weylin Forge case file?"

"Um...sure." The chief started pulling out boxes of old files as he spoke. "But why would the Feds be looking into Weylin's case? I thought we closed that? Wild animal."

Sam nodded. "Yeah. It's kind of slow at HQ, so we thought we'd re-open some of the odd ones."

"Oh. Well, alright. Let me know if you figure something out, okay?"

"Of course," said Sam. He took the case file and headed back to the Impala, Dean not far behind.

Dean started the car, her engine roaring to life, and Trooper's "Raise A Little Hell" blared out of the speakers at an obscene volume. Sam reached over and to the music down.

"So?" Dean asked. "What's it say?"

Sam opened the file, reading quickly. Sighing, he said, "Sounds like your average vampire case. Bite on the neck, body drained dry, despite a lack of blood at the crime scene."

"Awesome. So that text was right. Told there was a case here, Sammy."

Sam sighed again. "I dunno, man. I still think it's a little weird."

"Whatever." Dean turned the music back up to its previous volume and pulled out of the parking lot, heading for the hotel.

**99999**

**And so ends another chapter.**

**I gotta ask a favor of you faithful readers. I can't exactly figure out how to gank the vamps, seeing as there's about a million different ways, due to lore and authors. So if you could kindly review with your pick of the following choices:**

**-Decapitation (_Buffy_, _Supernatural_, and lore)**

**-Sun (_Buffy_)**

**-Wooden Steak (_Buffy_, lore)**

**-Dismembered and burned (_Twilight_ and lore)**

**So remember, review with your pick (and if you happen to throw in what you think of the story, I wouldn't mind that and might reward you with pie.)**

**Also, I'm searching for a beta, so if you're interested, or know someone who is, please either send me (or have them) a PM or and email (which can be found on my profile). That would be great, thanks.**

**TTFN!**


	3. Long Distance Call

"Alright. Thanks, Bobby." Sam ended the call and turned back to his laptop.

Dean raised his eyebrows expectantly. "So? What did Bobby say?"

Sam sighed. "He said it does sound like vampires, but neither of us could find anyone who really fit the part. I found a few possibles, though."

"Yeah? Who?"

"Uh..."Sam flipped through the papers next to his laptop. Finding the one he was looking for, he read, "Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife and five kids."

"Five kids? Damn...Well, I guess it's time for me to pay the good doctor a visit." He grabbed his jacket and keys and started toward the door.

Sam nodded. "Alright. I'll keep looking."

"Tell me if you get anything."

---

"So what can I do for you, Agent McCartney?" Dr. Carlisle Cullen walked down the hall, taking long strides that Dean struggled to keep up with.

"You were the one who saw Weylin Forge before he was whisked off to the coroner's, correct?

Dr. Cullen stopped short, and Dean had to catch himself before he ran into the doctor. Cullen turned slowly, a puzzled look on his face. "Why are you asking me about Weylin Forge? That was almost two years ago."

Dean internally groaned. _It figures. Small town like this..._ "It's, uh, it's pretty slow at HQ. Thought we'd open some of the Unsolved Mysteries." The doctor nodded. "So what can you tell me about Forge? Did you notice anything peculiar?"

Dr, Cullen thought for a moment, then said, "No, there wasn't anything that I remember. Then again, it _almost two years ago_."

"Alright. Well, give me a call if you remember anything." Dean handed the doctor his number and headed back to the Impala, searching his person for his phone in the process.

---

Dean loudly shut the motel door behind him as he headed for the car. Sam sighed and typed another term into the Google search bar on the laptop screen. His phone sprang to life. Except, it wasn't his phone. Looking at the bed next to his own, Sam saw Dean's phone lit up and blaring that annoying ring tone of Dean's.

Wearily, Sam got to his feet and picked up the phone. The caller ID said "Mystery Tipper". Sam scoffed. It was just like Dean.

Cautiously, Sam flipped open the phone. "Hello?" Nothing. _Alright, Sammy, try again_."Hello, is anyone there? Who is this?"

The voice at the other end cleared it's throat. "...Jacob....My name is Jacob Black."

"Oh, hello."

"Hi. Uh, I sent a text earlier about the vampires."

"Right! Can I ask you something? How'd you know? About the vampires?"

"Oh." Jacob paused awkwardly. "I know them."

"So you know who they are? Can you tell me?" Sam listened intently, hopeful.

"Yeah, I guess...It's the Cullens. The whole family."

Sam nodded. Then realizing that Jacob couldn't see him, he said, "Alright. Thanks." Sam turned around at the sound of the door opening and closing. Seeing Dean standing there impatiently, he said, "Hey, I have to go. Call again, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Bye."

"Bye." Sam hung up.

"So?" Dean asked. "Would you care to tell me who that was?"

"In a second. What did you think of Cullen?"

"Well..." Dean looked skeptical. "He was almost like Hollywood vampires. You know, pale skin, purple bruises under the eyes like he never sleeps. I dunno..."

"Hmmm...." Sam thought about it.

"So who was on the phone?" Dean nodded in the direction of the phone in Sam's hand, which Sam handed to him.

Sam scoffed, smiling. "Your, uh, your 'Mystery Tipper'." Dean smirked. "He says it's the Cullens.

**Sorry that's it was a little choppy. I've been a little distracted (**_**Beauty and the Beast**_**, it's gonna be big!)**

**This chapter is dedicated to BrokenSilence137 for being such a wonderful friend and helper. I love you so much! :) And also to BookwormForLife for making my day with their review. Thank you so so much!**

**Alright, now I have to go get some sleep so that I can get to rehersals early tomorrow! Reveiws are love! I love hearing what you've got to say!**

**Love always,**

**jbs!**


	4. The Usual Suspects

Sam sighed, and rubbed his forehead, the pounding of Dean's shower making his headache worse. The shower stopped and Sam could hear Dean's off-key rendition of Kiss's "Calling Dr. Love".

Sam heard the bathroom door open and tried to make himself look like he was actually getting something done.

"You find anything, Sammy?" Dean asked, pulling out a pair of worn-out jeans from his duffel.

"No, not really. The Cullens moved here about three years ago from Alaska. The kids are A students, don't get into trouble. The worst thing that's happened is about a year and a half ago, one of the sons, Edward, was in a car crash in the Forks High parking lot."

"So nothing that jumps out and screams 'vampire'?" Sam shook his head. "No drinking? No wild, out-of-hand parties?"

"Nothing. I'm telling you, Dean. These guys are clean."

Dean nodded. "Well, I say we go talk to the kids."

---

Edward looked up at the sound of an engine roaring outside. He stood and walked to the window, assuming it was Bella. Instead of red pick-up, though, he saw a black 1967 Chevrolet Impala. The driver's thoughts were jumbled, flitting between memories of what seemed to be Hell and time spent with what appeared to be an angel.

Edward head the car door shut and watched as two men walked up to the house. One was very tall-taller than Jasper, even-and the other looked to be about Emmett's height.

The shorter man-the one with memories of Hell and angels- rang the doorbell. Carlisle came down the stairs in time to beat Edward to the door.

"Agent McCartney? Well, this is a surprise. What brings you and your partner here?" Carlisle stepped aside to let the two men inside the house.

The shorter one-Agent McCartney, apparently-responded, "We were going to start our investigation by seeing what everyone remembers. You know, so we can get a feel for what we're dealing with here. And since you were on scene, we thought we'd start with your family, if that's alright."

"Of course. I can't promise you any worth-while results, thought. None of them were there with me. But by all means, go ahead." Carlisle backed Edward over. "Why don't you start with Edward here, and I'll see if I can round up the rest of them."

---

Dean shook his head and opened the car door. He and Sam got in and Dean started it and drove down the driveway.

"Man, I dunno about them being vampires, but dude, that blonde chick....whew...I'd hit that."

"Aw, Dean! C'mon! She's like, a freshman in college!"

"Really? 'Cause she sure doesn't look it."

Sam rolled his eyes and sighed. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. What matters is that none of them seem like they fit the description of 'vampire' at all."

"I know. They'll all more like that shape shifter back Canonsberg."

Sam rubbed his forehead. "Dean, I don't think there's a case here. I think that your 'Mystery Tipper' may just think that they're vampires."

Dean nodded slowly, thinking. "Well then, there's one way to find out." At Sam's questioning look, he explained. "We go talk to them."

"To who?"

"To the mystery tipper!" Dean shook his head in disbelief. "I swear, sometimes I wonder how you got into Stanford."

---

"Okay. Got it." Dean leaned over Sam's shoulder, reading off the laptop screen. "The number belong to Jacob Black of La Push, Washington."

Dean stood up. "La Push? Isn't that an Indian Reservation?"

"Yeah. Quileute. Why?"

"Well, don't some Indian cultures have lore on vampire."

"Yeah, actually, I think some do. I'll check it out before we leave."

"You do that, Geek Boy. I'm gonna try and grab a nap."

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**Wow. I wrote that chapter in a day. It's amazing how much you can write when you're home sick with nothing to do.**

**Still looking for a beta. Contact me if you're interested.**

**TTFN! Ta ta for now!**


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